You will never look at mustard the same again:
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh
bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown gourmet
mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the
table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped
by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son)
while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was
reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of
mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I
have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each
hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did on my
tongue. Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my
wife said......"Now you know why they call that mustard..."Poupon."
I have been a bit disjointed lately and I think it may show on here. I have no intention of giving this blog up because I like to write too much.
I recently had a 33 year old repressed memory issue surface in an ugly fashion. I am not sure if I will share it here or not, I probably will. I was unaware of it until I was talking to somebody, and then totally lost my composure.
Repressed memory is an ugly thing- it is real, and it can blow like a volcano at an inopportune moment. Looking back, the warning signs were there, I just didn't know it.
What I will say is this had nothing to do with molestation or anything with my family.
It was something I witnessed.
This was taken in the 1990's, I assume while he was Texas Governor. But here is Bush in what he called his "One Finger Victory Salute."
It looks like people still are trying to find bad stuff about him, even if they have to go way back.
I don't think Kerry's anti-war stuff she be part of this either, but he has made an issue about it himself.
Just 5 more days...... hopefully.
The Blue Bonnet Bakery in Fort Worth, Texas is having a Cookie Poll. They have cookies marked "K" for Kerry, "W" for Bush.
As far as the cookie sales are going, Bush has a slight lead.
There are 7 more days until election day. I think I will stick my neck out now and make a prediction....
I think Bush will win by a margin of less that 5% of the vote.
The Democrats have planted crybabies all over the country to allege voter intimidation and they will try to "Gore" the election if they lose. If Kerry wins, they will look the other way. They have already started claiming shit without evidence here in Nevada. They claimed "hundreds" of democrat voter registrations were destroyed. They could not prove it. because it didn't happen. To them, the seriousness of the charge means more than the lack of evidence.
If Kerry loses his home state, it will be over for him. The last President elected to lose his home state in the process was Woodrow Wilson in 1912.
I think Ohio will be a key state, and the race could come down to states with a small number of electoral votes, like Nevada or New Mexico.
If Kerry wins, I hope he proves all my doubts about him to be false.
It took me 3 1/2 hours to get online this morning. My ISP people tell me that MCI and Sprint lost a line between California and Indiana. I thought my computer took another dump.
I have had a few emails asking about my grandmother, and I want to thank all of you who did.
She is now in a rehab place in Gainesville,Georgia. She had a rare bilateral stroke, one that affects both sides of the brain.
Her left eye is still closed, and she is weak on the right side.
She recalls the events of last Tuesday up until the stroke, then next remembers being loaded onto the ambulance.
I was struck by something unusual we are asked to vote on:
"Shall the Nevada Constitution be amended to change the provision that prohibits an 'idiot or insane person' from voting to a person who has been 'medically adjudicated incompetent unless restored to legal capacity.' "
I am not much into PC, but this sounds good to me. The mental health profession does not use the term "idiot" or "moron" any longer.
Today a woman purchased two dozen bagels. She handed me the order from the bakery. It said "Two Dozen Ass Bagels."
The dillweed who wrote that didn't know how to abbreviate "assorted." I asked them what an "ass bagel" was.
This isn't the first time some dumbass co-worker didn't know how to abbreviate that word.
We had several signs with the word "ass" on it, and I have seen it on receipts.
"Ass TV dinners" "Ass Squash" "Hershey Ass" have been just a few.
During Easter we were selling Marshmallow Peeps, and the receipt had it as "Marshmallow Pee."
Calgon, take me away!
All the hubub about the flu shot shortage seems to be a bunch of amphibian shit.
Seems like it happens every year, don't you think?
The DemDums showed their typical double standard crap. They criticize the Vice President for getting a shot, yet say nothing about the fact that former President Clinton getting one.
If I am not mistaken, both of them qualify for one because they are both heart patients. So shut up already.
The DemDums are also blaming Bush for it. I swear if they farted out of their ears or shit a purple twinkie out of their mouths they would blame the president.
One thing I am glad to see is that congress will donate unused vaccine to Washington DC residents. Sounds like it is a political hot potato.
My grandmother had a bilateral stroke, which, according to one statistic I saw, occurs 1 in 1,000,000.
This type of stroke affects both sides of the brain.
I don't think Vietnam should be an issue, but Kerry has made it one. I found it fascinating that most Vietnamese Refugees favor Bush. The way Kerry talks, you would think he was Vietnam's Savior.
Same shit, different day. Makes me think because I had a small stroke myself. I realize how lucky I was, and hope to avoid it from happening again.
My grandmother collapsed from an apparent stroke near Atlanta this morning, and she isn't doing well. That is why I posted so late today.
A power pole burned somewhere and my power went out from 6:26-7:11 AM. They are estimating 3 hours for the power to be totally restored, but we have power already.
45 minutes is pretty good time around here to restore power.
The winds are finally blowing away my tumbleweeds. The mountains are catching hell. it's raining here at the 3460 foot level.
Although he was well known before I was born, I thought it significant to mention this. I had no idea he thought a missile brought down TWA 800.
With all the stupid things being said in the Presidential campaign by the "holier than thou" bastards, I have discovered some things about me that would turn off the democraps.
Here are a few facts that would probably disqualify me from political office:
My Parents are married.
My mom is not a bitch.
I had an accident in 1988 where I rear-ended a police bomb squad truck. (I didn't get cited for it.)
I farted in Kindergarten class.
I kicked somebody's butt in Kindergarten.
I kicked somebody's butt in 4th grade.
In 1993 I was pulled over at gunpoint by the police in a case of mistaken identity. (Wrong Place, Wrong Time)
I have peed on the toilet seat more than once.
In a 1992 earthquake I said "Shit."
I called one of my bosses an "asshole" once.
I own 2 guns.
I started a "Bullshit" chant at a Raider's game.
There is a large wildfire burning near Kyburz,California that has sent smoke over my area. This was the image at sunrise from my backyard.
The Democrap Opponent of Texas Congressman Pete Sessions has revealed 30 year old photos of the Congressman streaking as an 18 year old college freshman.
It is getting to the point of stupidity. Sure there are some things a person has done in their lives that should disqualify them from office; such as certain crimes, treason, etc.
However.....
....we have all done something stupid at one time or another. Sure, what the congressman did as an 18 year old is stupid, but 30 years later I doubt he would do it again.
I bet this moron who, pardon the pun, exposed the photos has probably done something stupid also.
What a self righteous bastard.
This is insidious!
This is a campaign flyer from those who claim to be compassionate, those who claim to be sensitive to the needs of the handicapped.
Instead, this is a campaign flyer released by some son of a bitch candidate in Tenessee that mocks the retarded and those who choose to vote for Bush. In fact, some Democtrats are condemning it.
It's pretty mean, click if you want to see it.
Once again, Nevada is being spoiled with attention from both political parties. Here is a brief history to illustrate why this is so unusual:
First of all, the first "a" in Nevada is pronounced like the "a" in "has." It is not pronounced "Nuh Vaw Duh." Wars have started because of that. Consider yourselves educated now.
When Nevada became a state on October. 31, 1864, Abraham Lincoln's idea was to use the state's Silver mining to help fund the Union Forces in the waning months of the Civil War. He was also flattered by the naming of Lincoln County, Nevada after him.
(Lincoln County is so desolate you could pee on the road and not worry about being seen.)
Since that time, Nevada has been hard pressed to be heard in national politics. There has been the Sagebrush Rebellion, but that's about it.
Toward the end of Campaign 2000, we started getting some attention from the Republican campaign here in Northern Nevada.
We tend to be ignored because 75% of all the state's voters live in Clark County (Las Vegas). The same thing happened in New Mexico.
This week the number of visits from people associated with either campaign will rise by 3 to 18. John Kerry will be in Las Vegas again- he has promised to come to Northern Nevada, we'll see.
Laura Bush will be at Lake Tahoe, and the President will be in Reno on Thursday.
If I get to see him, that will mean I have seen every president since Ronald Reagan. I even got close enough to shake Clinton's hand in 1992. (I hope he washed them, with what we know about him now-lol)
One thing I think is sad anymore is the difficulty in going to such events. Yesterday when I got tickets for the event, I was asked if I supported the president, etc. The purpose of that of course is to screen out potential troublemakers. They even took my driver license information.
I understand the need for that, but it bothers me. I would love to go see John Kerry speak, I am not one who would disrupt him or shout him down. I think people who do that should go get attention by playing marbles on the freeway.
Whatever happened with civilized disagreements?
I think Kerry is more full of shit than Bush is, but I would just stand there quietly and listen to him and not applaud anything he says.
I recall in 1988 when Democratic Vice Presidential Candidate Lloyd Bentsen came to visit Riverside, California. (Near where I lived at the time.)
I was an undecided voter at the time, along with a friend of mine. When we tried to get in, we were stopped and asked if we were Democrats or Republicans. I looked at the guy kind of funny, then he saw my camera and a tape recorder I had, and assumed my friend and I were news reporters and allowed us in.
My point in saying this is it all seems like the candidates only preach to the choir anymore.
There are so many goofy things to talk about, I thought I would put it all in one post:
-------------------
Getting stupid
Edwards: 'When John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve are going to walk. Get up out of that wheelchair and walk again'...
Holy shit.....
Veteran Hollywood reporter Nikki Finke has learned that actor Christopher Reeve is dead, according to sources close to the actor. He died suddenly Sunday. News of his death has not been reported publicly yet. His family will make an announcement Monday at the earliest.
**Update 6:11 AM PDT- He died of heart failure.
I am using another computer to post this, my computer seems like it's constipated. I can't access a damn thing. It's slower than a constipated old man.
I usually hate wind, but I am hoping we get the winds forcasted for today, so they can blow my uprooted tubleweeds away. :)
At this moment in 92 days I will turn 40.
I don't fart dust.
I don't pee rust.
I am not "under the hill."
I haven't mistaken my ass for a scratch and sniff toy.
I guess I am doing ok :)
The picture says it all.
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20041008/D85J0E200.html
Why is it that these terrorist bastard sombitches are so eager to be martyrs, so eager to kill anybody; and yet when they are killed by an Israeli soldier, or Israel does a pre-emptive strike and kills a bunch of them, they get all pissy?
It seems to me they should be greatful for the help.
Ingrate Jerknuts.
On the day he died, this was the joke of the day on his website:
"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, "There goes the neighborhood!"
A family statement reports that when he died at 13:20, his favorite Frank Sinatra album was playing.
He died during the song "Come Fly With Me."
Here are the lyrics:
Come fly with me, let's fly let's fly away If you can use, some exotic booze There's a bar in far bombay Come fly with me, we'll fly we'll fly awayCome fly with me, let's float down to Peru
In lama land, there's a one man band
And he'll toot his flute for you
Come fly with me, we'll float down in the blueOnce I get you up there, where the air is rarefied
We'll just glide, starry eyed
Once I get you up there, I'll be holding you so near
You may here, angels cheer - because were togetherWeather wise it's such a lovely day
You just say the words, and we'll beat the birds
Down to acapulco bay
It's perfect, for a flying honeymoon - they say
Come fly with me, we'll fly we'll fly away
Here was a classic I liked:
"I tell ya.... I get no respect. Yesterday I hurt my back. I went to the doctor and he says I can't lift anything over 5 pounds. Now I can't take a leak!"
A Washington DC newspaper columnist runs a column each
summer listing interesting WOMEN'S T-shirts observed at
an Ocean City, Maryland beach.
1. I CHILDPROOFED MY HOUSE, BUT THEY STILL GET IN. 2. (On the front) 60 IS NOT OLD. (On the back) IF YOU'RE A TREE. 3. I'M STILL HOT... IT JUST COMES IN FLASHES. 4. AT MY AGE, "GETTING LUCKY" MEANS FINDING MY CAR IN THE PARKING LOT. 5. MY REALITY CHECK JUST BOUNCED. 6. LIFE IS SHORT. MAKE FUN OF IT. 7. I'M NOT 50. I'M $49.95 PLUS TAX. 8. ANNAPOLIS--A DRINKING TOWN WITH A SAILOR PROBLEM. 9. I NEED SOMEBODY BAD... ARE YOU BAD? 10. PHYSICALLY PFFFFFT! 11. BUCKLE UP. IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE ALIENS TO SNATCH YOU FROM YOUR CAR. 12. I'M NOT A SNOB. I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU ARE. 13. IT'S MY CAT'S WORLD. I'M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS. 14. EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE. 15. KEEP STARING....I MAY DO A TRICK. 16. WE GOT RID OF THE KIDS. THE CAT WAS ALLERGIC. 17. DANGEROUSLY UNDER-MEDICATED. 18. MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING. ONE BRILLIANT FLASH AND IT'S GONE. 19. EVERY TIME I HEAR THE DIRTY WORD "EXERCISE", I WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH CHOCOLATE. 20. CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE. 21. LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT WHEN YOU DIE, THE PREACHER WILL NOT HAVE TO TELL LIES AT YOUR FUNERAL.+ 22. IN GOD WE TRUST. ALL OTHERS WE POLYGRAPH. -------------------------------------
Tuesday Laura Bush will be in Reno.
When you combine the two candidates and their wives, Nevada has been visited 15 times.
This is so unusual for Nevada to be in the political crosshairs. Usually we are "flyover country" in elections.
We have only 5 electoral votes, compared to 4 in 2000.
I think they are planning for it to be close on November 2.
Here's why I won't put a campaign sign in my yard, or put a sticker on my car. There are too many nuts on both sides that can't accept those who think differently than they do.
I read this today and couldn't believe it. In the 2000 Election, the national voter turnout was 51%.
In my county, the turnout was a whopping 74%.
If the 2000 general election is any indication, Churchill County residents are setting the stage for a massive demonstration of democracy come Nov. 2.Churchill County smashed the national voter turnout average of 51 percent in 2000, when 74 percent of voters here made it to the polls. Election officials are looking to best that mark this year.
"I'm hoping for 75 (percent) or better," said County Clerk Gloria Venturacci.
Not only is turnout expected to be high, the number of eligible voters in Churchill County is also skyrocketing above already-sizeable numbers with a little less than two weeks before the close of registration on Oct 12.
More than a month ago, Churchill County's registered voter count had already beat the total from 2002 by 43 and that of the 2000 presidential election by 560. And since last month's primary, new registrations have been continuing at an "unbelievable" rate.
"We can hardly keep up with all the people coming in," Venturacci said.
With Republicans outnumbering Democrats by more than 2-1 in Churchill County, there's little suspense as to which way local voters will swing on Nov. 2, but those voters will only be adding to the pile of statewide ballots. And the state's leanings are far less certain.
Pundits consider Nevada an up-for-grabs swing state. George Bush beat Al Gore by less than 22,000 votes in Nevada four years ago and heavily Democratic Clark County has swollen with new residents in the past four years, heightening the possibility for an even tighter race this year.
I went somewhere with my dad tonight and had to wear a shirt and tie. The last time I wore this was in May at the memorial service for my co-worker Kenny.
Since then I started taking a medication that causes weight gain.
I couldn't get the shirt buttoned past my chest.
SHIT!!
However I found a pullover that worked better, and just wore a suit coat over it.
I feel like a pregnant yak :(
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
