October 31, 2004


You will never look at mustard the same again:

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh
bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown gourmet

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the
table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped
by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son)
while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was
reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of
mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I
have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each
hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did on my
tongue. Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my
wife said......"Now you know why they call that mustard..."Poupon."

Posted by dr at October 31, 2004 08:49 AM | TrackBack

OMG!!! Stop I'm peeing my pants...that's too funny !!

Posted by: red at October 31, 2004 09:02 AM


Posted by: BOBBI at October 31, 2004 05:26 PM

Oh, god, I was eating dinner when I read this...

Posted by: Lorena at November 3, 2004 03:40 PM

Oh jeezus! That's disgusting!

Posted by: Funkalicious at November 4, 2004 12:36 AM
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