These are things that have actually happened on live TV.
Football game:
He's intercepted the football at the 30 yard line!! To the 40, the 50, the 40.... LOOK AT THAT SUNOFABITCH RUN!!
Basketball game:
He's got the ball, he's going to make the shot ! HE SHITS AND HOOTS!
Baseball game, live mike on the coach:
"Shit! Sonofabitch fouled it off the ground."
Religious Service, the priest reaching into his pocket as he says this:
Let us look in the Second Book of Glasses as I take my peter out.
Weatherman:
Let's take a leak outside to see how cold it is outside our studios.
Sportscaster at a baseball game:
I am looking at what must be a newlywed couple, it seems he kisses her on the strikes, and she kisses him on the balls.